Girls Gon' Christian
"A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ that a man should have to seek Him first to find her."
To be a single woman dating, halfway through your twenties... It's an interesting place to be in. Especially when everything in the world around you says you should be married or at least in a serious relationship by now! And to be honest, who doesn't want that? Even the super feminist who boasts about taking care of herself doesn't want to end up alone. I didn't always think that way though. In fact if you've ever read any of my previous love posts you'd know that there was a point in time that a "relationship" wasn't a goal at all. I mean I'd figure it'd come one day but it was never a priority. Because of that neither, was the type of relationship. It wasn't until I began to have a serious love encounter with God that made those things change.
And the change was extremely noticeable. I started attending church regularly, served as much as possible, and prayed about and for the people I dealt with. When people first started calling me "the church girl" or say "oh you know she's saved now" I was irritated, a little embarrassed even. I felt like they were labeling me to pick on me, like I didn't fit in or that I was super different. But the more I thought about it, the more I embraced it! If going to church and loving God is ALL some people know about me, well thank God for that! Because in that moment not only is God shielding my flaws from the world, he's also keeping some of the world away from me. Especially when I'm dating! Lol
You see dating has changed for me in the last year or so. I won't say it changed the types of men that approach me but it definitely changed how I responded to them. Dating is no longer just casual for me because I'm learning to understand it's purpose. Having a relationship with God makes you want to have correct relationships elsewhere in your life, ya know. A lot of my views, stubborn ways, and things that I used to find attractive have faded but surprisingly I'm okay with it. So I figured I'd share a few because I'm sure there are others out there who can relate!
Submission- Whew! Okay, let me be honest I was anti this word the majority of my life lol. I related submission to words like weak, servant, less than. Then I started learning how to love on God correctly, but guess what that meant? It meant I had to submit to him. Now don't get excited, I'm not saying just submitting to any man or treating him like God. I'm saying when you submit to God and his will for you, you understand your purpose in your relationship. You stop fighting to be equal but instead learning to be a partner. Allowing him to lead, and praying for his strength along the way. It also meant if at any moment you had to question that man's leadership in your life, that you probably aren't supposed to be with him!
Intimacy - When I made the decision to give my heart to God, I realized that meant my body too. I mean duh, we know that but committing to it is totally different. Loving God means loving his requirements. The beauty of that is, there is someone out there meant for your to share this desired connection with. Your spouse! And when you lack intimacy with them, you learn to have it with God. There's grace for that :)
Who i allow in my space- Have mercy on me here, lord. If you know me, you know that I'm a people hoarder. Letting go of people even if they've done me wrong has always been hard for me, because I love them. Whether friend, family, pet lol, doesn't matter! But I had to break this habit. I had to learn that sometimes removing people from your space is God's way of protecting you. I also had to learn to not even entertain certain people or things. As my pastor would say, "be with somebody who's issues you can handle", and by handle he meant someone who doesn't have the same as you. That's the whole yoke thing they teach us, finding someone that can pull you out without dragging you in. If that makes sense.
Our first conversation- Lastly, this growth changed my first conversation. Who would've ever guessed that "are you saved" would be a difficult dating question? After sex ed in school, I just knew "have you been tested" won that crown. Want to know why it's so difficult?Because, I know based on the response I have a responsibility to react correctly. For me that means realizing that the cute, charming guy is probably not who you're destined to be with, at least right now. God is still working on him and you have to humble yourself. I say humble because sometimes we try to "fix" people into what we WANT them to be. Girl, you're not that great and I mean that in the most loving way. Let God do his thing here mama :)
So to wrap up this little book I've written I'll put it this way, your partner is important for your purpose. In fact that's exactly why they're their. Not just for your pleasure but for your union to honor God. Treat it that way. No matter what someone says, the choices you make with your heart is a serious matter. It's okay to be selective with it.
It's not fact nor fiction, just my opinion- Kandi