Independent does not = Invincible
"I was told the true definition of a man, was to never cry..." -Musiq Soulchild 2007
Symbolizing a road less traveled, captured by Kandi in 2014
Funny thing is, I learned that too. Even as a woman. I got my first job at 15 years old and kept my hands in my own pockets ever since (my choice btw, lol my parents love me I promise). I was an athlete and the little tomboy that drove my mom nuts lol. I graduated high school top of my class and college with honors. Started corporate straight out of school and I've busted my butt ever since. I know how to change a tire (well, kind of), I take out my own trash, I pump my own gas, and I have a pretty nice left and right hook. I guess some people would describe me as independent. But that's not the only "I" word people frequently use to describe me. When it comes to dating, the most common is intimidating. And somehow those two combined are assumed to mean, invincible.
Let's discuss that because that can go both ways. On the one end, there's an independent lady that feels invincible and she carries herself as such. On the other, people treat her as though nothing could ever break her because everything about her says she can handle it. I happen to find myself in the middle disagreeing with both.
Now don't get me wrong, I am super guilty for a lot of those assumptions. For a while and even some days now, I carry myself like a tin-man. I act as if I can't be hurt, like I don't care. Or at least that's the vibe I give off. And I know I'm not alone here. I was raised by super strong women and even when I broke my wrist at eleven, my mom said "take it like a woman", and I did. I always have and I loved her for raising me that way. But for a while I also envied the girls who were comfortable being the damsel in distress because life just seemed a tad bit easier for them. I mean I needed help too, I needed attention too, and crazy later in life I found out I even liked flowers "just because it's Sunday". I never wanted to admit those things though because I didn't want to be weak! Didn't want anyone to see me sweat. I had to learn that it was okay to be vulnerable, and who to be vulnerable with. You see not everyone deserves that, not everyone can handle that. It also made me question what type of people I had close to my heart if I felt the need to guard it with a bullet proof vest? It's tricky, right? I know girl, I've been there. And you don't have to stay there, behind that thick glass. You can let go, you can release! It's okay to fall in love. It's even okay to be hurt, as long as you try again. Someday it'll all be worth it. Independent does not equal invincible!
So, I'm guilty, I said it. I'll admit that my independence can be a bit intimidating. But independent does not equal invincible! Now that I've addressed my role, let me help the outsiders, the fellas. Just because she carries the weight well doesn't mean it's meant for you to bury her in it. There's a soft spot inside of that hard exterior and beating it out of her with tears isn't the solution. You see, she hurts too. She sees when her wants/needs are put second. She notices when your brutal honesty towards her doesn't concern you. And at night when she prays for you, most times she doesn't have the least bit of confidence that you're doing the same for her. She sees you but invincible to you is invisible to her. Independence doesn't void submission, but to submit to you she must feel safe. She should feel like loving you is a two-way street. Like she can finally strip down and just be free. Know that she can be your homie, best friend, sports buddy and biggest fan but remember that she is there to be your lover first. So, LOVE her, love on her. Protect her and show her that she doesn't have to be hard for the two of you.
With just a few words someone can quickly explain everything she is and everything she isn't. She is independent, she can stand on her own two feet. But she isn't invincible, she needs just as much to survive as the next. Even when she says or thinks she doesn't. So, sis, let go, just breathe a little. We know that you can bend without breaking but don't test it if not necessary. And kind sir reading this, remember your woman. Allow her to find comfort in being that, to take honor in it because she can trust you to be the man, her man. Say it with me, because third time's a charm: Independent does not equal invincible! Enjoy lovers. :)
It's not fact or fiction, just my opinion - Kandi